Understanding and Supporting Separation Anxiety in Children

As parents and caretakers, we may fail to identify these waves of separation anxiety that our children are experiencing, more so in their pre-verbal stage. Understanding when and why it starts and peaks in intensity could help us better support our children as they reach their developmental stages.

What is Separation Anxiety?

It can be defined as the anxiety in children when they are not in the company of their parents or caregivers. This is usually the normal emotional development stage that starts the moment the baby understands that things and people exist even when they are not looking at them; this is called “object permanence.” Children suffering from separation anxiety might cry or cling to their parents or caregivers when separated.

Separation anxiety can be pervasive at some ages and is part of typical development. Events new to a child, such as first days at nursery or school, can incite separation anxiety, such as temper tantrums, concern with family or self-safety, and upsets concerning sleep, among others.

Strategies for the Management of Separation Anxiety

Avoid separation – Distancing is not a strategy for handling separation anxiety well. Encourage and empower your offspring by practicing separation, role-playing different scenarios, and consistent support.

Theorists on Separation Anxiety

• Jean Piaget: He’s known as the “Father of Object Permanence,” and he’s the Swiss psychologist who did important studies showing that object permanence is vital in cognitive development.
• Donald Woods Winnicott popularized academic parlance with “transitional objects” and “transitional experiences.” The experience was viewed as a developmental stage between the internal and objective or external reality. At this stage, the child presented comfort in “transitional objects.”.
• Erikson, Erik: Erikson put up a theory regarding the development of personality from childhood days to adulthood, considering the interrelations embodied in the different stages of man with external impetus brought by parents and society. According to him, each person has to pass through a series of interrelated stages over their life circle.

Separation Anxiety Across Stages Infants: Separation anxiety in children develops with an awareness of object permanence:

• Infants: When an infant believes a parent has left, the separation may be distressing to the child. While a couple of newborns appear to show signs of reaction and an appreciation of object permanence and separation anxiety at 4 -5 months, the majority of them develop a more distinct separation anxiety around nine months of age. Separation distress likely increases when an infant is hungry, tired, or not feeling well.
• Toddlers: Some toddlers haven’t displayed separation anxiety during infancy, but it appears at around 15-18 months. Like the infants, separation is harder if they are tired or ill. As the child attains more independence, with the acquisition of routines and rituals, toddlers realize separation. They become noisy and tearful upon separation and difficult to console.
• Preschoolers: At around three, most children recognize the distress their anxiety or supplications at separation evoke, but their awareness does not alleviate the distress; instead, it marks the beginning of a request or bargaining for the need over want.

It is essential then to create access to secure attachment, which is access through expectation where the parent-child relationship is of continuing contact, trustful waiting and eventual return. Parents and caregivers must know and understand such stages to be able to offer adequate support for their children through the entire normal development of separation anxiety.